you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
