They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
