p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.