my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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