Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q

Replies (24) Good night (11590) Bad night (1806)
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt. http://tfl.nu/ymql

Replies (17) Good night (4843) Bad night (822)
Favorite
(765): View more from Indiana

I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(765): I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot. http://tfl.nu/lv0c

Replies (101) Good night (1740) Bad night (4706)
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet http://tfl.nu/kl5a

Replies (23) Good night (3789) Bad night (686)
Favorite
(812): View more from Indiana

After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(812): After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women. http://tfl.nu/7qhk

Replies (55) Good night (5767) Bad night (1585)
Favorite
(513): View more from Ohio

He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(513): He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay http://tfl.nu/cp59

Replies (4) Good night (3574) Bad night (1193)
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever http://tfl.nu/y96z

Replies (7) Good night (2165) Bad night (820)
Favorite
(209): View more from California

come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(209): come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground http://tfl.nu/qcj8

Replies (13) Good night (957) Bad night (2425)
Favorite
(207): View more from Maine

I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(207): I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager. http://tfl.nu/qawn

Replies (3) Good night (1051) Bad night (515)
Favorite
(905): View more from Ontario

You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"

(1-905): View more from Ontario

He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(905): You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot" (1-905): He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka. http://tfl.nu/0kc2

Replies (4) Good night (1276) Bad night (1011)
Favorite
(763): View more from Minnesota

She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(763): She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best http://tfl.nu/e685

Replies (3) Good night (1114) Bad night (477)
Favorite
(423): View more from Tennessee

hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(423): hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT. http://tfl.nu/qhme

Replies (5) Good night (1868) Bad night (519)
Favorite
(402): View more from Nebraska

Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(402): Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D http://tfl.nu/eelv

Replies (2) Good night (744) Bad night (419)
Favorite
(727): View more from Florida

She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(727): She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit. http://tfl.nu/846j

Replies (9) Good night (364) Bad night (1093)
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman http://tfl.nu/cwps

Replies (3) Good night (571) Bad night (518)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard