I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.