she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.