Where did you get a picture of my penis
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.