So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
