Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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