I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
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