There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
