We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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