we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
