Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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