is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
