I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
