I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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