Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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