the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
this hospital has no fireball
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
