Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
