i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
