i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
