No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
