It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
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As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think my moral compass just broke
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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