All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
