I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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