Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
