New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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