he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
