turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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