Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
