More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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