i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and she was petting her beer can
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
