that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
