like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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