Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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