I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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