wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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