This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This is the high leading the old right now
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
