there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
