Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
