He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
