I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
