please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
