I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I deserve this hangover.
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