I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Randomize
