you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
