I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think a kid would responsible me up
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
