Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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