She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And then my night got REAL pukey
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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