the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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