from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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