That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
