Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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