Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
