May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
