very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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