You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
