girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
