My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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