I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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