i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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