I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
