ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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