I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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