He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
