Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Vodka?
Forever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
