His pubic hair was longer than his dick
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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