me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
