What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
